[Just for the record, I know that there differing of
opinions about what adoptive parents should
be looking for, and maybe some of you are thinking right now, “there are plenty
of older kids who need to be adopted too, not just babies!” And you are so right! However, people with infertility are not the only one’s
who should be caring for orphans. That’s the responsibility of every Bible
believing Christian. I’ll dedicate a whole post to this issue in the future, so
just bear with me for now.]
Traditionally, there are three adoption methods: state, domestic
and international – but within those categories there are variations. If you adopt through the state of California,
you typically “foster to adopt” which means you become certified foster parents
first and can be placed with several children before you can actually choose to
adopt one. Traditionally, but not necessarily, state adoption is the most
affordable adoption choice. Private domestic adoption is when you select an
agency and work through them to be “matched” with a birth mother. This can get
pretty pricey and can range from $30,000-$50,000. Domestic infant adoption also
tends to be a longer process because, if you’re looking for a healthy infant,
there’s a long waiting list. When we looked into it, the average is about 3
years from the time you start applying to the time your adoption is
finalized. The third method I mentioned,
international adoption, may be the most complicated, and varies in regulations
from country to country. Certain countries have pretty strict guidelines about
age, how long a couple has been married, how many children are already in the
home, and if I’m not mistaken, even the weight of the adoptive parents!
International adoption doesn't have
to be the most expensive route, but can quickly become so if you plan on traveling
to meet your adoptive child at least once, sometimes more. Other ways of
adoption are using a lawyer with someone you know who is pregnant and looking
to place her child, or even “Juno” style and putting an ad in the PennySaver
(though I’d assume that’s a less reliable method).
After researching and praying, we first felt that Domestic
Infant Adoption made the most sense with our current situation and life
stage. We went to a preliminary meeting
however, and both walked away a little bit unsettled. There were so many families who were
desperate to get a child and it almost felt a little competitive as we looked
around the room. We couldn’t help but
think, “am I more appealing to a birth mother or is she?” We also struggled
with the concept of a birth mother choosing to place her child for
adoption. We actually got to hear from a
few birth mothers who shared their pain and loss and regret for placing their
children for adoption. We struggled with the idea of counseling women to do
something that is unnatural and against God’s design for families. Obviously (please hear me in this), obviously
there are mothers who are NOT equipped to care for their children, and there
are situations that are clearly harmful and dangerous for children to be raised
in. I don’t want this to sound like I don’t believe or know that, I genuinely
do. However, for Donny and I, we just
felt really uncomfortable praying and wishing that a woman would not want her
child and that she wouldn’t be stable enough to keep him/her. That just didn’t work for us. We also left that meeting knowing that if we
didn't adopt through that agency, we weren’t abandoning children. There are way
more adoptive parents who are able to provide stable loving homes than there
are infants who needed it – at least through private domestic.
We took a couple months off of our search to pray and seek
wise counsel. We talked with friends and
family and through a casual conversation with my sister-in-law, God brought us
to an adoption method we’d never previously considered…
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