Dear Deacon's Placing Family

(I wrote this letter to Deacon's placing family when he was about 6 weeks old. We haven't posted here since before he was born, so I thought it might be a nice update)

February 1, 2018

Dear Deacon’s Placing Family,
As I write you this note, Deacon is finally asleep against my chest in the Ergo carrier. Lately, he’ll only nap if he is being held and cries (hard) if we try to set him down. And while there are definitely some tiring moments along the way in raising a newborn, it’s so easy to remind ourselves of the tremendous gift that he is! There were moments, hard moments during those uncertain years, when it felt like we’d never have the joy of loving and raising a child of our own. Saying “thank you” for choosing us feels insufficient compared to the enormous gift that it is. But words are all we have, so please know that we are forever grateful that you entrusted us with raising and parenting this little soul. THANK YOU.

Deacon was born on December 22 at 38.5 weeks via a scheduled c-section. I was showing the signs of preeclampsia and Deacon was measuring at over 9 pounds so my doctor felt that was the safest route for both of us. The procedure went very smoothly and he ended up being 9 pounds, 12 ounces and was 21 ¼ inches long! (I can’t imagine how big he’d have been if we went to full term!) He did great on all of the initial tests, and measured perfectly on all subsequent tests (hearing, vision, jaundice, etc...the nurses and his pediatrician said they had never seen such a good score on the jaundice test haha).  At both his 2 week, and 1 month doctor visit his pediatrician just kept commenting on how healthy and strong he is, and said that he’s doing perfectly!

 He’s a GREAT eater and is steadily gaining weight. He’s already grown over an inch in his first 5 weeks! As I mentioned at the beginning...we’re still working on getting him to be a more “independent” sleeper...but he just loves being held, and his doctor said that he can’t be spoiled or held “too much” so we’re listening to her and are just enjoying all of the snuggles. Since day one he’s been really good at holding his head up and is very alert...already following a rattle with his eyes and definitely responding to mommy and daddy’s voices.

 I’ve included a few photos...he has a little bit of light brown hair that looks blonde-ish in some lights, and even reddish occasionally. His eyes are still that newborn gray/blue, so we still can’t tell what his eye color will officially be. He was born with tons of rolls, but he’s stretching out a bit now and doesn’t look quite as chubby. I’m probably biased, but I’m pretty sure he’s the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen. :)  He’ll be 6-weeks tomorrow and we’re anxiously anticipating his first real smile!

Deacon has brought a joy and light to our family that we didn’t even know was possible. We love him with all of our hearts and are so thankful to you for allowing us to experience the joy of this little boy.  Over the years we adopted a total of 10 embryos and went through 3 transfers. Each time we found out that an embryo hadn’t survived, our hearts broke. But we rested in knowing that God was preparing a child for us, somehow, some way. We couldn’t know then, but each time we grieved and wondered why things weren’t working out the way we wanted, God knew that our little boy was waiting for us. Even though we are still sad over those losses, we wouldn’t have Deacon here today without them. We thank God for His perfect plan and perfect timing in bringing Deacon to our family, and we thank you for making the hard and important decision to allow us this gift.

Thank you! We are forever grateful!

-Donny and Gabby

All Glory be to Christ Our King: Part 2

God is good!  We ARE pregnant!

God has a perfect plan for us.  This is not the time-frame that we had planned for us.

Two years ago to the day was the last time we posted on this blog.  It was our attempt to remind ourselves of truth in the midst of a very tough time in our lives.  It was all part of God’s perfect, albeit painful, plan.

After we had let the dust settle from losing those last adopted embryos, we tried to figure out what to do next.  We looked into the cost of domestic or even international adoption, and we weren’t sure.  We looked at the foster-to-adopt system, but we still weren’t sure.  We knew we felt called to parent, and we had all-but-decided that we would not adopt more embryos.  And yet, as we considered all the different factors that play into a major decision like this, we kept thinking, “what if we tried one more transfer?”  We hated to make a call based on numbers & statistics, but that’s what the Lord used to push us to try one more time.  Through the whole process, we had heard on numerous occasions that “1 in 3” embryo transfers are successful.  If we really did call it quits after the 2 tries, we didn’t want to have the feeling of, “what if we had tried just one more time,” in the back of our minds.

One of the reasons we didn’t want to do another transfer is the physical & emotional toll it took on Gabby’s body.  To prep with daily shots, medications, vitamins, & tough doctor visits for months to prep her body for the transfer was exhausting for her.  She had already gone through it twice, and was so tired of it all, with nothing to show for it.  I feared having her go through all of that again just to get another call at the end saying, “sorry, you’re not pregnant,” one more time.

But, after praying and deciding we could handle one more time, we got back into the process.  We contacted our adoption agency, Nightlight Christian Adoptions (whom we’ve loved working with), and asked to be put back into the matching process.

We didn’t have to wait too long this time, and when we heard back from them, we were presented with a unique situation.  They said they had two embryos for us (which is a little nerve-wracking, considering we had zero successful pregnancies from the 8 embryos we adopted from our prior match).  Again, thinking of statistics, you’re not guaranteed that embryos will even survive when they are thawed out before a transfer.  We lost 3 out of the 8 during the thaw, so I was nervous about adopting just these two.  The especially unique part was that they were coming from two different families.  Two different families from two different parts of the country each had one embryo they were placing for adoption, hoping to give them a chance at life on this earth.  Once we sorted through everything, I actually got very excited, “WE COULD HAVE TWINS THAT HAVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT DNA FROM US AND EACH OTHER!”

So we agreed and got all the proper paperwork in place (say that 10x fast) and began the process to get Gabby ready AGAIN.  We ordered all her medications AGAIN, gave her shots AGAIN (I was a pro by the end), and went through all the Doctor visits AGAIN.  Then on April 19^th, 2017, we went in for what we knew this time would be our last attempt at a F(A)ET (Frozen ‘Adopted’ Embryo Transfer).

It’s hard to describe how we felt going into this transfer.  We were both confident as far as knowing this was what we needed to do.  At the very least, we thought, these little embies will be ushered into heaven now rather than waiting indefinitely to get a chance at life, if at all.  (Neither family that we adopted from were planning on discarding the embryos, but sometimes embryos can just sit in freezers for years and years without ever even getting a chance at a real life.)  At the same time, we also couldn’t help but think of the results of our last two transfers.  It kind of felt like, “we are resolved to do this…but it probably won’t work.”  Lord knows.

The first piece that got my hopes up a little bit was when they informed us that both embryos had survived the thaw.  If we’re talking about my begrudged statistics, 100% (2 out of 2) of our embryos had survived the thaw this time, as opposed to only 63% surviving in the last batch (5 out of 8).  I kept thinking internally, “Lord, why would you get them both to this point if you weren’t going to do something big here?” 

The next piece that got my hopes up was the peace we had in our hearts anticipating any scenario.  If both of them hold on and result in being pregnant with twins, then glory to God!  If one of them holds on and we’re pregnant with one, then glory to God!  If neither of them are able to hold on, and both go to heaven, then glory to God!  We had no idea how to be except just to rest in our Father’s care.

Following the transfer, we played the waiting game, which had become somewhat familiar to us.  Generally, the instructions following a transfer are: go home, take it easy, and wait to come back in two weeks to get a blood test to see if it was successful or not.  Well, “taking it easy” is easier said than done.  Oh, and did I mention my eager beaver wife had bought a value pack of pregnancy tests to take starting on day 6 after the transfer? She had decided after our past transfers that it’s easier to have an ‘idea’ one way or another of what the result will be heading into the blood test, so that a ‘negative’ doesn’t hit you like a ton of bricks (only a ½ ton).

A few things I did not know about embryo transfers and pregnancy tests: it’s recommended to wait about 12 days to take the blood test, because the embryos are sooooo teeny tiny that it’s rare that you’d pick up anything earlier.  And especially with home pregnancy tests, you might see ‘negatives’ because it can’t read things early on.  Gabby repeatedly mentioned, “You can only get false negatives, you can’t get false positives,” which means if it reads negative early on, there’s still plenty of hope.  If it reads ‘positive’ early on, you are straight up pregnant.

I think the first home test she took (something like day 4) was negative, as we expected.  She admitted that was pretty early, and decided to wait ‘til day 6 to check again.  So she set the stick in the cup o’ urine, and then you’re supposed to wait two minutes or so.  If a second line appears you’re pregnant.  She left the bathroom and went into our bedroom to pray and ask God that she wouldn’t be anxious about the whole situation.  Before the two minutes were up, I went into the bathroom just to see if I could see anything.  I SAW A SECOND LINE.  I let out some type of loud, audible noise.  “What is it?!” Gabby asked.  She rushed back in and I showed her that faint, thin, glorious, pee-influenced line.  We couldn’t believe it!  Gabby was pregnant.

After nearly two and a half years from when we first decided to go the route of embryo adoption, God saw fit to have Gabby get pregnant.  Do you ever have trouble understanding if God is answering your prayers by saying “no” or “wait”?  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out which one it is.  Up until that point, I thought God was saying “no” to the prayer for Gabby to get pregnant.  Turns out he was saying “wait” for those 2+ years.  I suppose that’s why I was so surprised that it was finally happening.  I think I had somewhat come to grips with Gabby not getting pregnant, and had tried to focus my contentment, reliance, and joy on Christ as opposed to her pregnancy.  Whatever God was doing, he sure pulled us especially and uniquely close to Him and each other in this journey, and we pray it stays that way!

The next question was this: are there two babies in there or just one?  We’d need to wait a little longer to get the answer to this question, and when we finally did find out that there was just one little one in there, it was bittersweet.  Obviously we were ecstatic that we were pregnant at all, and at the same time, we mourned the life of one of our embryos.  That little one joined her 8 adopted brothers and sisters in heaven and we wanted to grieve, but also be thankful.  My own imagination created the scenario from that scene in Inside Out [spoiler] when Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon rocket so that Joy can get back to Riley.  One of our little embryos knew that only one of them would make it, so they sacrificed themselves to give the other one a fighting chance.  A stretch, I know.  I can’t help but think in Pixar sometime.

Through God’s gracious provision, Gabby’s pregnancy has progressed very nicely.  In July we found out we were having a baby boy, which we revealed by kicking open a plastic football (much to my nephew’s dismay) filled with blue chalk/smoke.  (I had read the results of the gender test prior, but Gabby was surprised!)

Shortly after that, we settled on a name: Deacon Arrow Hoover.  The name Deacon, besides some obvious church connotations (we’re both heavily involved in our church community), can also mean ‘dusty one’ or ‘servant,’ which we hope to train him up to be.  Arrow comes from Psalm 127:4 which says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.” As a little bonus, he will have the same initials as me! (Donald Allen Hoover, Deacon Arrow Hoover)

So here we are, about a month out from Deacon’s due date (Jan. 3^rd, 2018), and on my Facebook “On This Day” memories feature, a memory from Dec. 1^st, 2015 popped up.  This was the day we had shared that we weren’t pregnant two years ago, and so I felt compelled to give a write up and much-needed update about where we are.  We still want your prayers!  This time for a continued healthy pregnancy and that there would be no complications when Deacon is born soon!  To God all praise and glory!

1 year blog-iversary

It's hard to believe that it's already been a full year since starting this blog and embarking on our journey through embryo adoption!

In many ways this year has gone really quickly, but then when I think about all of the things we've experienced (applications, background checks, interviews, matching process, hormone treatments, embryo transfer, 2-week wait, sad news, more waiting, more hormone treatments) it's kind of crazy that it's only been a year.

I would characterize this year, overall, as really good.  Donny and I have both grown closer together and closer to the Lord through this process.  We've had to make a lot of tough decisions, we've had to write some really big checks, and we've been forced to really think hard about our future - all of which has really helped us mature and just grow as people.

We've had a lot of fun this year too! Of course we would have loved to have a baby a long time ago - but this extended time of just Donny and Gabby has been just downright fun!  Since last November I've lost track of the times we've been to Disneyland, we've been to Ducks games, concerts, stayed out late, slept in and we even went to Disney World! We're definitely happy to lose that flexibility and freedom when it means we've added another little human...but I'm so glad God gave those memories in the meantime.

This year also had the obvious low points.  Did I ever tell the story about Donny passing out cold when the doctor's office messed up his blood draw by not finding his vein and then spilling blood in front of him?  It was terrifying (for me) and was definitely a low point (that at least we can laugh at now).  Losing one of our precious embryos in the thaw was something we knew was very possible, but was still hard to hear. Waking up one morning during the two-week wait and finding out that I was bleeding was scary and sad. And of course, the hardest day of the year, April 22 - the phone call telling us we weren't pregnant.

Ultimately, although a lot of this year looked very different than I might have imagined or would have planned it (had I been in control) - it's exactly how God wanted our year to look, and for that reason, I wouldn't change anything.

We're prepping my body for another transfer and are praying that year two of this blog will be full of pregnancy updates! But if that's not the case, if we hit November 6, 2016 and we still don't have a child, I know I can still say that it had been a good year because our God is good and our God is in control and our God promises contentment when we find our peace in Him.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3 ESV)

Insanity, Jonah, and the Will of God (Waiting for My Time to Come)

Hi Everyone,

Well, we haven’t updated the blog in quite awhile because…well…there haven’t been any updates for the blog.  After our first Frozen (Adopted) Embryo Transfer didn’t work, and our three little ‘embies’ went to heaven, the Lord made it clear that we were to take some time off and re-group.  Our Doctor had a successful heart surgery, we were able to visit Walt Disney World (by the Lord’s provision!), and another super busy summer came and went.  So now, here we are, just beginning to prepare for our second attempt at an F(A)ET.  Here are a few things on our hearts:

Have you ever heard that definition of Insanity that goes something like: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”? 

(Sometimes attributed to Albert Einstein.  But then again, “The problem with internet quotes is that you can’t always depend on their accuracy.” – Abraham Lincoln) 

Anyways, Gabby and I are feeling a little like that.  Not like Abraham Lincoln, mind you, but that we’re about to do the same long, tiresome, expensive, emotionally draining process in hopes of different results.  Now, I use the word ‘hope’ a little differently this time around.  For our first transfer, we had lots of good innocent hope.  I mean, we had never had a failed F(A)ET in our lives, so why shouldn’t we be hopeful that it would work?  We had so many people praying for us from all over!  God answers prayer, right?  Well, our transfer did not result in a viable pregnancy (although at least for some period of time, there were 2 living embryos in Gabby's womb).  Therefore, this time around, frankly it's harder to be hopeful that we’re going to get pregnant.  I mean, we’re pretty much doing the same exact thing (although we’re adding one additional hormone called Lupron. It's a shot that Gabby gives herself in the stomach every night for a couple weeks), so it’s hard to think we’ll get a different result.  But here’s the thing, friends.  More and more, God is focusing us on the point of this whole endeavor:

...and the point isn't necessarily to get pregnant.   

What?!  I know, I know.  Track with me.  The point of this whole endeavor is this: to glorify God.  All things are from Him, through Him, and to Him (Rom 11:36), so EVERYTHING should be about His glory.  So while it’s a little harder to be hopeful about actually getting pregnant this time around, (which is still something we’re praying for and asking you to pray for) we’re 100% hopeful (sure) that this is all for God’s glory.  No matter what happens.  He’s already been glorified so much in everything that we've experienced. We've even entertained the thought that us not getting pregnant might end up bringing Him the most glory, and we're preparing our hearts to be content with that. At the very least, we know that was the case for the first attempt!

With that being said, we are still trying to be hopeful this time around.  I mean, we don’t want to approach this next attempt as if Eeyore got married to a nice girl donkey, we’ll call her MarEeyore, and then they experienced infertility, only to learn about Embryo Adoption and get matched with a nice set of donkey embryos, and had an attempt that did not result in pregnancy, only to try again, but Eeyore had the mindset, “Well, it’s probably not going to work anyway.”  By no means!  We do want to approach this 2^nd try with hope! (Gabby wanted to include this picture of her and Eeyore from Walt Disney World at this part in the story)

Ok, I promise this next thing relates: a few days ago, I learned it was the 10^th anniversary of one of my favorite records, “Vhiessu,” by one of my favorite bands, Thrice.  One of the songs on that record is called “Hold Fast Hope,” and it’s about Jonah.  This record and song came back to my mind right around the time we were starting everything for this 2^nd attempt.  And I got to thinking, you know who literally was in the ‘depths’ of despair?  Jonah!  After his disobedience to God, he found himself in a “great storm on the sea so that the ship was about to break up.”   Then, when God ordains that the lot was cast to Jonah (he still hadn't confessed at this point), He finally “mans ups" a bit and tells them to cast him into the sea.  Instead of dying, as you'd expect during a “great storm,” God appoints a “great fish” to swallow Jonah, and Jonah is stuck in the stomach of this fish three days and three nights.  Ok, I don’t know about you, but if all of this were happening to me, I would expect to die.  Think about it: huge storm, ship about to go down: I’m going to drown.  They’re throwing me overboard into the sea and I JUST GOT SWALLOWED BY A SEA CREATURE.. YEAH, I’M GOING TO BE EATEN.  And yet, at some point in all of this, Jonah truly “mans up” and prays these words:

 I called out of my distress to the LORD, And He answered me.  I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice.  For You had cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas, and the current engulfed me.  All Your breakers and billows passed over me.  So I said, ‘I have been expelled from Your sight.  Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.’  Water encompassed me to the point of death.  The great deep engulfed me, weeds were wrapped around my head.  I descended to the roots of the mountains.  The earth with its bars was around me forever, but You have brought up my life from the pit, O LORD my God.  While I was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, and my prayer came to You, into Your holy temple.  Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness, but I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving.  That which I have vowed I will pay.  Salvation is from the LORD.

Wow.  Now, if you’ve read your Bibles, you know that Jonah would continue to have to learn tough lessons.  But at this point, Jonah recognized.  Jonah held fast to hope.  Maybe he didn’t necessarily hold fast to the hope of living through all of this, but he held fast to the hope of God’s sovereignty and glory.  And that’s what we want to do. 

Finally, here’s another reminder.  Gabby and I don’t know the will of God in all of this, and neither do you, our friends and family.  So we invite you to pray and to hope with us that we’d get pregnant!  AND, even though some people are trying to ‘think positive’ and ‘trust’ and ‘be kind’, sometimes it feels a little weird when we hear people say, “Oh, I just KNOW you’re going to get pregnant.”  Cause really, unless you’ve had some divine revelation from the Lord, you don’t know.  We don’t know, either.  That’s ok.  We DO know that God is glorified in all of this, so we invite you to start sending those prayers to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob! 

If you’ve read this far, or skipped down below, our current timeline has us doing the actual transfer on or around November 19 or 20.  We really do covet your prayers for this, both that we’d get pregnant, but more importantly that God would be glorified. 

I’ll wrap up this post with another song lyric from one of our most favorite bands as of late, Colony House.  (featuring the sons of the ever-popular Steven Curtis Chapman: Caleb and Will Franklin Chapman) 

“I’ve tried.  I’ve failed. I thought I gave my all, now it’s hard to tell.

Is this the end of this dream I lost, or just an introduction to how much it may cost?

Oh, it seems so complicated, It feels like hope has faded.

When I know it’s just a way that we grow, I cannot control.

I’m still waiting for my time to come.”         

 
 - “Waiting for My Time to Come” by Colony House

Why I Don’t Need or Deserve Children

By Donny Hoover

So I finally got around to making my contribution to this blog.  I wanted to write a little bit about my perspective on this journey.  Gabby has covered all the logistics and such, so you won’t find any of that in this entry, but maybe there are other men out there who are walking through this unique situation. 

Gabby and I first dated in 2007, and after we hadn’t been dating long enough, my sister-in-law asked Gabby some type of question along the lines of, “do you want kids?”  (I’m not sure if we were even ‘officially’ dating at the time, and yet Gabby was essentially being asked if she wanted to carry my children).  Gabby answered that question with courageous honesty, telling about her POF (see previous posts for explanation).  I think that may have been the first time I learned that Gabby would be unable to carry biological children. 

We refer to those few months of dating as ‘the first time’.  I eventually broke things off for an array of reasons, mainly because I did not see myself being the right guy for her at the time.  But one of my other reasons (read: justifications) was because I had really looked forward to one day having a son or daughter that looked like me. 

Fast-forward ahead 2 years (what we call ‘the dark ages’), and God had flipped me head over heels for Gabby Acosta.  I was finally ready to be a man and live out a more biblical version of love, mainly the whole self-less part.  I couldn’t tell you when it happened, but when we got to 2009, the whole non-biological children thing was a complete non-issue to me.  I don’t think I could have given you reasons why back then, but since then, I have come around to understanding just a few of the many, many blessings in God having us seek adoption as our way to grow our family.  Here are two.

1.  God adopted us.  (Romans 8:15, 23; Galatians 4:5; Ephesians 1:5) It seems as though adoptive parents have an advantage in understanding what it means that God adopted us.  We don’t have any birthright to be born into God’s family/kingdom.  In fact, every single person is born out of God’s family (in a sinful state).  Yet through love and the sacrifice of His only ‘biological’ Son, He has chosen those who have called upon the name of the Lord to be saved!  He chose believers to join His family and be heirs of grace alongside His Son, Jesus.

2.  Bonus Lessons in Trusting God.  Now, we don’t have anything to compare it to, and I certainly don’t want to diminish anyone else’s journeys in having a biological pregnancy and birth, but I think we’ve been getting extra opportunities to totally trust God.  It’s been pretty amazing to go from, “Ok, Gabby’s never going to be pregnant, I suppose we’ll look into adoption,” to “Ok, traditional adoption is uberly expensive, I don’t think we’ll ever have the money for that,” to “Wait, embryo adoption would work?” to “Wait, we could possibly afford embryo adoption?” to “we hope a couple matches with us and lets us adopt their embryos!” to “God, please let this transfer result in a pregnancy!” to “God, please provide the funds necessary!”

If you are a husband, and you and your wife have an infertility story: 1) Don’t be ashamed.  Way more couples have the same story than you’d think.  2) Look at it as God clearly directing you to some other route for starting a family (that is, if you both want kids.  PS, if you want kids, you want kids.  No saying, “I would want kids, but only biological.”  Imagine if God had said that!)  3) You can figure out a way to make it work financially.  I don’t know anyone who didn’t take out a loan for college and/or grad school, but sometimes finances can scare people away from starting a family?  Hmmm…

Where was I?  Oh yes, a little more about my personal journey with Embryo Adoption.  Well, I was excited about getting things started, but I’m the type of person that never lets my hopes get up if there’s even a chance of things not working out.  So I’ve been trying to be a realist through this whole process (which, in turn, let me to be a bit more of a pessimist interestingly enough).  BUT, one of my breakthroughs came when we first found out about our possible match, and everything was starting to get more real.  Checks were being written (eeesh!), Doctor’s appointments were being scheduled, and things were moving!  So why did I feel a little bit bummed?  These were exciting times, yet in my selfish, sinful nature, I hadn’t really acknowledged this whole time that I wouldn’t be physically contributing to our having children.  Obviously, I was super excited at the possibility of Gabby being pregnant, especially in light of the fact that we had prepared our hearts that she wouldn’t be.  Yet, I guess I needed to ‘mourn the loss’ of my physical contribution of my wife getting pregnant.  I’m sure this looks different with traditional adoption, since neither the adoptive parents are physically responsible for the birth of the child.  But either way, I at least had to acknowledge that to move forward.  Any other Embryo Adoption dads ever walk through that?

Finally, let me address the title of this post.  Yes, yes, it’s just the ol’ method we all see on Facebook and such, the alarming title just to get you to click on the article.  Haha, turns out you had to wait to the very end to see why I don’t need or deserve children.  Here’s the answer:  I don’t need kids because of God.  That is, He is the only being capable of bringing real satisfaction in life.  Psalm 62 says, “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.”  God forbid, but if He were to take away my job, my home, my wife, my friends, everything, He has promised that we only find true and full contentment in Him.  If I had nothing, and I died, I would be in heaven with God because of what Jesus did on the cross.  So, do I want children?  Yes!  We’d love them!  But I don’t ‘need’ them.  I need God.  Secondly, I don’t deserve children because they are not a right.  Psalm 127 talks about how children are a reward, a blessing, a heritage from the Lord!  I’m a sinner, and I don’t deserve any of the blessings God has given me: life, salvation, my wife, family, job, home, etc.  So I definitely don’t deserve children.  But do we want them?  Yes!!

The End

Donny Hoover

It's a Match!

I know it's been awhile since we've updated, but we haven't had any news.... until now!

We are very excited (like very excited) to announce that we are officially adopting 8 embryos!

I'll back up a little bit to update you on our timeline...

On December 16 we received an email from Nightlight with the subject "Potential Match-Hoover". Earlier that week, they'd sent our profile to a family in Florida to consider us. The family had liked us and wanted to place their embryos for adoption with us! I was at my desk at work and literally RAN downstairs to Donny's office. We opened and read the email together and downloaded the PDF file of the family's profile.

We learned that in 2001, the genetic parents were struggling to conceive and started IVF.  They ended up with 15 viable embryos, used 7 of them and had twins in 2002. They knew they were done building their family, but kept the 8 remaining embryos frozen.

It was a very emotional and surreal experience to read about this family and look at pictures of the parents and their children.  As I've mentioned before, I've never had any idea what my children might look like, so seeing these people was incredibly emotional.  I was standing at Donny's desk just sobbing as we pored through the photos.

The parents are both a combination of Italian and Irish and have olive skin and dark hair. Interestingly enough though, their twins are fair skinned, blue eyed, red heads! I think it would be so fun to have a red head! But we're just excited regardless!

[Source: Everything Ginger Tumblr (haha yes, this actually exists!)]

It was really important to us that our doctor approve of the quality of any embryos we were considering, so we sent them the information that day. We continued to re-read, and re-read and re-read the family's profile and health history.  We both had a really good feeling about them right away and we spent those next few days praying hard that we would have wisdom in this decision. We wanted to be excited, but we were still trying to guard our hearts in case our doctor wasn't comfortable with the embryos.

Meanwhile we waited, and waited to hear back from our doctor. As the days passed we felt more and more comfortable with the family and decided that if the doctor said yes, we were in.

Christmas came and went, with still no word from our doctor.  That was a little hard for me.  I had this grand ideal that having a match by Christmas would be so magical.  But God was (and still is) teaching me patience and to wait on His perfect timing.

Then New Year's came and went, and it was now 2015 and we still didn't have confirmed word from our doctor...

But finally, on January 7 we received the much anticipated email that my doctor and their embryologist approved the embryos and cleared us to move forward!

*cue many more tears*

Then things sped up considerably...

On Monday, January 12 we officially accepted the match with Nightlight. They drew up the contract and we signed and notarized our portion and mailed everything last Friday the 16th.

Nightlight is now getting all the paperwork and documents finalized to have the embryos shipped from Florida to Pasadena.

Everything would probably be ready to go for an end of February transfer - but that would put me in the "two week wait" while we're in Seattle for my brother's wedding the first weekend in March.  I asked our nurse what she thought about that and she basically said, "there's no evidence that flying causes miscarriages or lowers the rate of pregnancy, however, how will you feel if you flew and then didn't get pregnant?"

Donny and I are totally on the same page that gaining a couple weeks is not worth the potential risk, so we're planning on a mid-March transfer date, assuming my body responds to the meds and does what they expect it to.

We've seen God's guiding hand through every step of this process and we're so excited to see God's plan as we continue to move forward.  Even though I sometimes get impatient, it's pretty incredible that Donny and I only started this whole process in September - a mere 4 1/2 months ago! God has provided the finances, the support, the awesome staff at Nightlight, an awesome social worker, a great doctor's office and so many other little blessings that we so at peace with our whole situation.

We still have a ton of uncertainty about the future, but knowing that the perfect God of the universe has a good plan for it all is just so incredibly overwhelming (in the best way possible!)

We covet your continued prayers!

Pray with us...
1. That the embryos would ship safely to California

2. That my body would respond well to the meds (starting at the end of February)

3. That the embryos we thaw would survive the thawing

4. That however many (1, 2 or 3) embryos we transfer will implant and become healthy pregnancies!

5. Pretty much all the money is now due for the adoption and the transfer and although we've saved and planned...it's still pretty scary writing such big checks! Pray we'd be wise with our finances, smart about spending while things are extra tight and that no unexpected additional expenses would come up.

More updates as they come!

Waiting on a Match

Our matching process has OFFICIALLY started! Our social worker was able to submit our home study report a few days earlier than she anticipated so they said they'll be able to send out our family profile today! There's a chance that we'll have our embryos by Christmas!

When we got off the phone with the office, I said to Donny, "it's crazy this is so real!" He didn't fully hear me and asked, "So real? or Surreal?" And I said, "yes!" It's surreal how real this all is. Which I know is kind of an oxy moron...

I've known that adoption would be in my future ever since I was 17. Since that day at the doctor's office, I never knew what my children would look like. I mean, you never actually know what you're children will look like...but at least you know what pieces you're working with. I've had nothing.  So the idea of seeing pictures of people who have given the DNA to make my children is like, SO MUCH MORE than I've ever had before.  It's possible that in the next few weeks... I'll get to see pictures of my children's siblings.  Crazy, right? Or surreal you might say.  But it is HAPPENING and is SO REAL!

Can you tell I'm excited??

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

Apparently, today is the first annual Embryo Adoption Awareness Day! I'm pretty new to the EA scene, so I only know because of Sara's blog.  Please pray for Sara - she did her third frozen embryo transfer on the 19th and is in the "two week wait" to find out if she's pregnant. She has a great blog with tons of info and experiences to share. 

It seems that in the last few weeks I've been hearing more and more about EA on the news and in the media.  It could be a case of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (the phenomenon where one happens upon some obscure piece of information--often an unfamiliar word or name--and soon afterwards encounters the same subject again, often repeatedly.) But I'm praying that it's because EA is truly becoming a more recognized and common adoption method.

Currently, if you don't happen to live near a specific EA agency like we do with Snowflakes being in Anaheim, just 45 minutes away, it's hard to get traditional adoption agencies to do your home study. It's also hard to get grants or financial help from agencies that usually give funds to families trying to adopt. And as far as I know, you don't qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit (but I could be wrong on that one, tax laws are a moving target).

 I think it's great that we can raise awareness to this new, but very real adoption method.  We know that these frozen embryos (an estimated 600,000 in the United States) are real babies with real souls that don't have a chance at life unless someone adopts them. Even if, at the end of all of this, Donny and I don't end up with any pregnancies, we can still rest in the knowledge that we gave these tiny embryos a chance. We'll be giving them their only chance at life in the best way that we can. Any embryos that have been lost by other couples, or that we may lose as we progress into transfers, will be faces we'll one day see in Heaven and I praise God for giving us this opportunity to be a part of his plan for them. 

Home Visit Complete!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words! Our home visit yesterday went really well! Of course she looked at the house for all of 2 minutes - but I'm still glad we worked so hard to do a "deep" cleaning.

We actually had both our individual interviews and our home visit this weekend.  It was a big weekend!

On Saturday we drove out to Anaheim Hills and met our social worker at the Nightlight Office.  She had us fill out some quiz type of things about discipline and expectations of children. We weren't allowed to talk to each other or share our answers. She then met with us separately and went over our answers. Some of the questions were worded intentionally confusing so it made it a little hard to answer some of them.  I was a little worried about my answers regarding spanking and discipline, but I think that when I was given the opportunity to explain myself, it went well. Apparently, in the state of California, parents are allowed to spank with an open hand over clothing, no objects. But overall, I think we both were able to articulate clearly enough and the interviews went well.

Then on Sunday, she came over to our house for the much anticipated Home Visit. We gave her a quick tour and then we spent the rest of the time answering questions about our upbringing, marriage, what we expect of our children and things along those lines.  The time flew by and before I knew it she was wrapping things up and giving us our timeline for the next steps!

She'll have our home study report completed by December 10! We'll immediately enter the matching process at that time and a potential genetic family will get our profile shortly after that! We're basically just in a waiting game at this point. But with the last two months full of paperwork and lists, it's actually a little nice that things are now out of our hands.

I've been so focused on everything adoption related, I've neglected other things that now need attention.  One of which is my craft booth for a Christmas Boutique on December 5! All the proceeds from my sales will go to funding our adoption.  The main item I'm selling are mason jar snow globes that I've affectionately nicknamed, "Snow Globes for Snowflakes!"

But I'm also making paper garlands, chalk board bible verse signs and wooden candle holders.  I'll include little snowflake tags on everything with a link the blog to encourage people to follow along our journey. (Let me know if you'd like more information about the Boutique or if you're interested in purchasing any of the items!)