Waiting on a Match

Our matching process has OFFICIALLY started! Our social worker was able to submit our home study report a few days earlier than she anticipated so they said they'll be able to send out our family profile today! There's a chance that we'll have our embryos by Christmas!

When we got off the phone with the office, I said to Donny, "it's crazy this is so real!" He didn't fully hear me and asked, "So real? or Surreal?" And I said, "yes!" It's surreal how real this all is. Which I know is kind of an oxy moron...

I've known that adoption would be in my future ever since I was 17. Since that day at the doctor's office, I never knew what my children would look like. I mean, you never actually know what you're children will look like...but at least you know what pieces you're working with. I've had nothing.  So the idea of seeing pictures of people who have given the DNA to make my children is like, SO MUCH MORE than I've ever had before.  It's possible that in the next few weeks... I'll get to see pictures of my children's siblings.  Crazy, right? Or surreal you might say.  But it is HAPPENING and is SO REAL!

Can you tell I'm excited??

Embryo Adoption Awareness Day

Apparently, today is the first annual Embryo Adoption Awareness Day! I'm pretty new to the EA scene, so I only know because of Sara's blog.  Please pray for Sara - she did her third frozen embryo transfer on the 19th and is in the "two week wait" to find out if she's pregnant. She has a great blog with tons of info and experiences to share. 

It seems that in the last few weeks I've been hearing more and more about EA on the news and in the media.  It could be a case of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (the phenomenon where one happens upon some obscure piece of information--often an unfamiliar word or name--and soon afterwards encounters the same subject again, often repeatedly.) But I'm praying that it's because EA is truly becoming a more recognized and common adoption method.

Currently, if you don't happen to live near a specific EA agency like we do with Snowflakes being in Anaheim, just 45 minutes away, it's hard to get traditional adoption agencies to do your home study. It's also hard to get grants or financial help from agencies that usually give funds to families trying to adopt. And as far as I know, you don't qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit (but I could be wrong on that one, tax laws are a moving target).

 I think it's great that we can raise awareness to this new, but very real adoption method.  We know that these frozen embryos (an estimated 600,000 in the United States) are real babies with real souls that don't have a chance at life unless someone adopts them. Even if, at the end of all of this, Donny and I don't end up with any pregnancies, we can still rest in the knowledge that we gave these tiny embryos a chance. We'll be giving them their only chance at life in the best way that we can. Any embryos that have been lost by other couples, or that we may lose as we progress into transfers, will be faces we'll one day see in Heaven and I praise God for giving us this opportunity to be a part of his plan for them. 

Home Visit Complete!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words! Our home visit yesterday went really well! Of course she looked at the house for all of 2 minutes - but I'm still glad we worked so hard to do a "deep" cleaning.

We actually had both our individual interviews and our home visit this weekend.  It was a big weekend!

On Saturday we drove out to Anaheim Hills and met our social worker at the Nightlight Office.  She had us fill out some quiz type of things about discipline and expectations of children. We weren't allowed to talk to each other or share our answers. She then met with us separately and went over our answers. Some of the questions were worded intentionally confusing so it made it a little hard to answer some of them.  I was a little worried about my answers regarding spanking and discipline, but I think that when I was given the opportunity to explain myself, it went well. Apparently, in the state of California, parents are allowed to spank with an open hand over clothing, no objects. But overall, I think we both were able to articulate clearly enough and the interviews went well.

Then on Sunday, she came over to our house for the much anticipated Home Visit. We gave her a quick tour and then we spent the rest of the time answering questions about our upbringing, marriage, what we expect of our children and things along those lines.  The time flew by and before I knew it she was wrapping things up and giving us our timeline for the next steps!

She'll have our home study report completed by December 10! We'll immediately enter the matching process at that time and a potential genetic family will get our profile shortly after that! We're basically just in a waiting game at this point. But with the last two months full of paperwork and lists, it's actually a little nice that things are now out of our hands.

I've been so focused on everything adoption related, I've neglected other things that now need attention.  One of which is my craft booth for a Christmas Boutique on December 5! All the proceeds from my sales will go to funding our adoption.  The main item I'm selling are mason jar snow globes that I've affectionately nicknamed, "Snow Globes for Snowflakes!"

But I'm also making paper garlands, chalk board bible verse signs and wooden candle holders.  I'll include little snowflake tags on everything with a link the blog to encourage people to follow along our journey. (Let me know if you'd like more information about the Boutique or if you're interested in purchasing any of the items!)

Surrendering Control

I was just thinking today about how little control we have through this entire adoption process.  I guess we never actually know what’s going to happen in the future and don't actually have control over our lives.  But in general, I’m someone who likes to plan ahead and at least think I know what’s going to happen. In fact, both Donny and I are planners. We enjoy talking about what our week looks like, and are good about scheduling events fairly far off in the future.

Several years back, when we weren’t even dating yet, Donny was pretty confident that we were going to be a couple soon, or at least hoping that we would be – so he bought us concert tickets for like, 3 months in the future and then asked me if I wanted to go with him. (I said yes, of course!) I once booked our vacation 14 months in advance. We had another vacation planned that we hadn’t even gone on yet, and I had already booked our vacation for the following summer.

Like I said, we like to plan.

Of course, God, like He is so prone to do, is always correcting, guiding and teaching us how to trust Him more.  So for once in my life, I can’t even pretend that I know what the future holds.  I would LOVE to be pregnant by early next year – but I have absolutely no idea if that’s even remotely a reality.  I have no idea how my body is going to react to the hormone treatments so I’m nervous about planning important events—but I don’t even know when I’m going to start hormone treatments! And then, if I do get pregnant, what type of pregnancy will I have? Will I be sick all the time? What if it’s twins? Will it be considered a “high risk” pregnancy? What if none of that happens at all? What if we still haven’t matched with a family by the Spring?

I’ve been hesitant to accept commitments for early next year, but is that being overly optimistic? I’m coordinating a friend’s wedding in the beginning of January but what if I’ve just started hormones and have a raging migraine? (one symptom I’ve read about online). I’m throwing a bridal shower for my soon-to-be sister-in-law in mid January – what if I’m an emotional wreck from the hormones? (another symptom I’ve read about online). My brother’s wedding is in Seattle the first weekend in March – what if I just completed a transfer and am in the dreaded “two week wait” and can’t focus on the festivities? I’ve been training hard for LA Marathon the 2^nd weekend in March, but what if my transfer is right before and can’t run after all?

I know there are tangible steps  I can take to help with these questions – one of which involves NOT researching worst-case scenarios on the internet. But it's mostly just being patient and waiting on the Lord.

I can honestly say I’m not fearful about the future, I'm genuinely, just really excited. And I know with certainty that everything will work out for my good and God's glory. I think it's more just not knowing how it's going to all work out. I'm kind of a detail person. But God’s not in the business of always telling us how.  He’s in the business of telling us to trust Him. And so we are.  Or at least, I’m trying really hard.

In the meantime, I did buy a second bridesmaid dress in a larger size, I’ve decided not to register for the marathon just yet, and I have people in place who are more than willing to step in and cover for me if I’m down for whatever reason. 

This is just new territory for me. But hey, hopefully, we'll end up with some kids out of all of this, and according to other self proclaimed "control-freaks" having kids officially ruins all of that anyway. I'm just getting a leg up on the learning :)

Organizing for the Home Visit

This empty wall may not look like much but it actually represents a huge victory. (Sorry for grainy phone photos).  Our spare room is FINALLY organized and ready for baby furniture! Part of the home visit process is proving that your living space actually has room for children.  I love our house, but it is pretty teeny-tiny and we do have quite a bit of stuff.  Donny was a champ and completely re-arranged and re-purposed the space about a week ago - but because it was mostly my stuff in the room, there have been bags and boxes of just odds and ends everywhere that needed homes. We're planning on putting a crib in that empty space and a rocker in the corner where the vacuum is.

We'd like to get another low dresser/changing table type of thing. (We love old, free things..hint, hint). That will go where this white desk currently is.  I'm a little sad because I do like the desk - but it's just too big of a piece of furniture for how un-functional it is. We're actually looking to sell, or trade perhaps, it if anyone is interested.  I paid $50 for it at a yard sale and painted it white and gave it cute knobs.  We'd take $40, OBO.

In my imagination we'd have a room completely dedicated to being a nursery.  Something like this gorgeous gender neutral twin nursery from Carissa Miss

But I have to be realistic.  This is the other side of the room.

\We live in a small two bedroom (that I feel very blessed to have, by the way. I know lot's of people live in much smaller accommodations and figure it out). But we have a lot of stuff that needs a place to live.  So the spare room will be half baby(s) and half office/Gabby's closet/storage/crafts/etc.  The kiddos are actually lucky to get half of the room!

It's full of stuff but at least it's all organized and everything has a home! T-Minus 6 days!

Snowflake Family Profile & Matching Process

Don't you just love this print from Barking Bird Art on Etsy?

One of the questions people often ask us is, “how are you matched with families?” I heard someone mention once that it’s a little bit like online dating :)

When a genetic family has a set of embryos that they would like to place for adoption, they contact Snowflakes and set up a list of requirements for the adoptive family.  Sometimes genetic families might prefer that the adoptive family be a specific ethnicity or age. They may also request a family of a specific religion or education level.

On the adoptive family side of things, we create a “Family Profile.” It’s a PDF document that we wrote which includes pictures and fun information about us. It includes the basic pertinent information that genetic families are looking for (age, ethnicity, religion, education, occupation, etc.)

Genetic families are sent the profiles for adoptive families that meet their requirements.  If a family sees our profile and decides they like us, then we get to see their information.  We get to know health history (3 generations on both sides), the amount of embryos available for adoption, the quality of the embryos, if there have been successful pregnancies from that set of embryos, and the age of the mother when the eggs were extracted.

As the adoptive family, we get to choose if we accept the match.  If we don’t accept, then they’ll continue showing our profile to other families until there’s a mutual agreement.  This process can take between 1 and 4 months – mostly depending on how picky we as the adoptive family are.

Megan said that our home study should be complete by this time next month, so we're hoping to start the matching process in early December!

The Process

Snowflakes Embryo Adoptions follow the best practice adoption methods. Although this isn’t required by the government, they feel (and we agree) that it’s beneficial for adoptive parents to go through all of the same adoption training and education.  Which means for the last 2 months or so, we’ve been in the THICK of adoption paperwork! Anyone who has ever adopted before knows how much paperwork is involved.

We filled out a basic preliminary application and paid the first round of fees. Once that was received, we we’re accepted into the Snowflake Family Evaluation (SFE) process. Although we’re not doing a traditional “home study” our SFE has many of the same components.  We had to do a FBI fingerprint background check, driving records check, physical exams, request multiple references, send copies of our marriage license & birth certificates and much, much, much more.  Luckily (and those of you who know me in real life can probably attest to this) I kind of have a thing for paperwork. I get a little bit excited about having a list of items to check off and boxes to fill out. I mean, I am an administrative assistant after all. 

We had our first meeting with our social worker Megan yesterday afternoon.  I was a little bit nervous, but mostly just excited to keep moving forward. We met her at the Nightlight offices in Anaheim Hills.  She was super sweet and down to earth and as soon as we started talking all my nervousness melted away.  It's super encouraging that she's also a believer and someone who genuinely cares about getting embryos adopted! The time flew by and our 90 minute meeting was over.

We were able to schedule our other two meetings/interviews and Megan said that we should have a completed home study by this time next month! We'll meet again at their offices for the "individual" meetings on Saturday the 22nd, and then do our home visit on Sunday, the 23rd. 

The home visit has kind of been weighing on me ever since we started the adoption process so I'm happy to finally have an actual deadline. Megan reassured us that she's not going to be looking in closets or under the bed - rather it's just confirming that there are no obvious safety hazards in the home - but still, a home visit just sounds intimidating.  But now I officially have 13 days to do a deep cleaning, paint the kitchen sink, pull out all the weeds in the mostly dead front planter and train the cats to do a welcome song and dance when she arrives. (ok, maybe not all of those things).

Currently we are ALMOST done with the paperwork side of our SFE. We’re still waiting on Donny’s blood test results, we need to watch 3 adoption webinars and write mini-reports, and we have a little more reading to finish - but we are SO CLOSE!