All Glory be to Christ Our King: Part 2

God is good!  We ARE pregnant!

God has a perfect plan for us.  This is not the time-frame that we had planned for us.

Two years ago to the day was the last time we posted on this blog.  It was our attempt to remind ourselves of truth in the midst of a very tough time in our lives.  It was all part of God’s perfect, albeit painful, plan.

After we had let the dust settle from losing those last adopted embryos, we tried to figure out what to do next.  We looked into the cost of domestic or even international adoption, and we weren’t sure.  We looked at the foster-to-adopt system, but we still weren’t sure.  We knew we felt called to parent, and we had all-but-decided that we would not adopt more embryos.  And yet, as we considered all the different factors that play into a major decision like this, we kept thinking, “what if we tried one more transfer?”  We hated to make a call based on numbers & statistics, but that’s what the Lord used to push us to try one more time.  Through the whole process, we had heard on numerous occasions that “1 in 3” embryo transfers are successful.  If we really did call it quits after the 2 tries, we didn’t want to have the feeling of, “what if we had tried just one more time,” in the back of our minds.

One of the reasons we didn’t want to do another transfer is the physical & emotional toll it took on Gabby’s body.  To prep with daily shots, medications, vitamins, & tough doctor visits for months to prep her body for the transfer was exhausting for her.  She had already gone through it twice, and was so tired of it all, with nothing to show for it.  I feared having her go through all of that again just to get another call at the end saying, “sorry, you’re not pregnant,” one more time.

But, after praying and deciding we could handle one more time, we got back into the process.  We contacted our adoption agency, Nightlight Christian Adoptions (whom we’ve loved working with), and asked to be put back into the matching process.

We didn’t have to wait too long this time, and when we heard back from them, we were presented with a unique situation.  They said they had two embryos for us (which is a little nerve-wracking, considering we had zero successful pregnancies from the 8 embryos we adopted from our prior match).  Again, thinking of statistics, you’re not guaranteed that embryos will even survive when they are thawed out before a transfer.  We lost 3 out of the 8 during the thaw, so I was nervous about adopting just these two.  The especially unique part was that they were coming from two different families.  Two different families from two different parts of the country each had one embryo they were placing for adoption, hoping to give them a chance at life on this earth.  Once we sorted through everything, I actually got very excited, “WE COULD HAVE TWINS THAT HAVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT DNA FROM US AND EACH OTHER!”

So we agreed and got all the proper paperwork in place (say that 10x fast) and began the process to get Gabby ready AGAIN.  We ordered all her medications AGAIN, gave her shots AGAIN (I was a pro by the end), and went through all the Doctor visits AGAIN.  Then on April 19^th, 2017, we went in for what we knew this time would be our last attempt at a F(A)ET (Frozen ‘Adopted’ Embryo Transfer).

It’s hard to describe how we felt going into this transfer.  We were both confident as far as knowing this was what we needed to do.  At the very least, we thought, these little embies will be ushered into heaven now rather than waiting indefinitely to get a chance at life, if at all.  (Neither family that we adopted from were planning on discarding the embryos, but sometimes embryos can just sit in freezers for years and years without ever even getting a chance at a real life.)  At the same time, we also couldn’t help but think of the results of our last two transfers.  It kind of felt like, “we are resolved to do this…but it probably won’t work.”  Lord knows.

The first piece that got my hopes up a little bit was when they informed us that both embryos had survived the thaw.  If we’re talking about my begrudged statistics, 100% (2 out of 2) of our embryos had survived the thaw this time, as opposed to only 63% surviving in the last batch (5 out of 8).  I kept thinking internally, “Lord, why would you get them both to this point if you weren’t going to do something big here?” 

The next piece that got my hopes up was the peace we had in our hearts anticipating any scenario.  If both of them hold on and result in being pregnant with twins, then glory to God!  If one of them holds on and we’re pregnant with one, then glory to God!  If neither of them are able to hold on, and both go to heaven, then glory to God!  We had no idea how to be except just to rest in our Father’s care.

Following the transfer, we played the waiting game, which had become somewhat familiar to us.  Generally, the instructions following a transfer are: go home, take it easy, and wait to come back in two weeks to get a blood test to see if it was successful or not.  Well, “taking it easy” is easier said than done.  Oh, and did I mention my eager beaver wife had bought a value pack of pregnancy tests to take starting on day 6 after the transfer? She had decided after our past transfers that it’s easier to have an ‘idea’ one way or another of what the result will be heading into the blood test, so that a ‘negative’ doesn’t hit you like a ton of bricks (only a ½ ton).

A few things I did not know about embryo transfers and pregnancy tests: it’s recommended to wait about 12 days to take the blood test, because the embryos are sooooo teeny tiny that it’s rare that you’d pick up anything earlier.  And especially with home pregnancy tests, you might see ‘negatives’ because it can’t read things early on.  Gabby repeatedly mentioned, “You can only get false negatives, you can’t get false positives,” which means if it reads negative early on, there’s still plenty of hope.  If it reads ‘positive’ early on, you are straight up pregnant.

I think the first home test she took (something like day 4) was negative, as we expected.  She admitted that was pretty early, and decided to wait ‘til day 6 to check again.  So she set the stick in the cup o’ urine, and then you’re supposed to wait two minutes or so.  If a second line appears you’re pregnant.  She left the bathroom and went into our bedroom to pray and ask God that she wouldn’t be anxious about the whole situation.  Before the two minutes were up, I went into the bathroom just to see if I could see anything.  I SAW A SECOND LINE.  I let out some type of loud, audible noise.  “What is it?!” Gabby asked.  She rushed back in and I showed her that faint, thin, glorious, pee-influenced line.  We couldn’t believe it!  Gabby was pregnant.

After nearly two and a half years from when we first decided to go the route of embryo adoption, God saw fit to have Gabby get pregnant.  Do you ever have trouble understanding if God is answering your prayers by saying “no” or “wait”?  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out which one it is.  Up until that point, I thought God was saying “no” to the prayer for Gabby to get pregnant.  Turns out he was saying “wait” for those 2+ years.  I suppose that’s why I was so surprised that it was finally happening.  I think I had somewhat come to grips with Gabby not getting pregnant, and had tried to focus my contentment, reliance, and joy on Christ as opposed to her pregnancy.  Whatever God was doing, he sure pulled us especially and uniquely close to Him and each other in this journey, and we pray it stays that way!

The next question was this: are there two babies in there or just one?  We’d need to wait a little longer to get the answer to this question, and when we finally did find out that there was just one little one in there, it was bittersweet.  Obviously we were ecstatic that we were pregnant at all, and at the same time, we mourned the life of one of our embryos.  That little one joined her 8 adopted brothers and sisters in heaven and we wanted to grieve, but also be thankful.  My own imagination created the scenario from that scene in Inside Out [spoiler] when Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon rocket so that Joy can get back to Riley.  One of our little embryos knew that only one of them would make it, so they sacrificed themselves to give the other one a fighting chance.  A stretch, I know.  I can’t help but think in Pixar sometime.

Through God’s gracious provision, Gabby’s pregnancy has progressed very nicely.  In July we found out we were having a baby boy, which we revealed by kicking open a plastic football (much to my nephew’s dismay) filled with blue chalk/smoke.  (I had read the results of the gender test prior, but Gabby was surprised!)

Shortly after that, we settled on a name: Deacon Arrow Hoover.  The name Deacon, besides some obvious church connotations (we’re both heavily involved in our church community), can also mean ‘dusty one’ or ‘servant,’ which we hope to train him up to be.  Arrow comes from Psalm 127:4 which says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.” As a little bonus, he will have the same initials as me! (Donald Allen Hoover, Deacon Arrow Hoover)

So here we are, about a month out from Deacon’s due date (Jan. 3^rd, 2018), and on my Facebook “On This Day” memories feature, a memory from Dec. 1^st, 2015 popped up.  This was the day we had shared that we weren’t pregnant two years ago, and so I felt compelled to give a write up and much-needed update about where we are.  We still want your prayers!  This time for a continued healthy pregnancy and that there would be no complications when Deacon is born soon!  To God all praise and glory!

1 year blog-iversary

It's hard to believe that it's already been a full year since starting this blog and embarking on our journey through embryo adoption!

In many ways this year has gone really quickly, but then when I think about all of the things we've experienced (applications, background checks, interviews, matching process, hormone treatments, embryo transfer, 2-week wait, sad news, more waiting, more hormone treatments) it's kind of crazy that it's only been a year.

I would characterize this year, overall, as really good.  Donny and I have both grown closer together and closer to the Lord through this process.  We've had to make a lot of tough decisions, we've had to write some really big checks, and we've been forced to really think hard about our future - all of which has really helped us mature and just grow as people.

We've had a lot of fun this year too! Of course we would have loved to have a baby a long time ago - but this extended time of just Donny and Gabby has been just downright fun!  Since last November I've lost track of the times we've been to Disneyland, we've been to Ducks games, concerts, stayed out late, slept in and we even went to Disney World! We're definitely happy to lose that flexibility and freedom when it means we've added another little human...but I'm so glad God gave those memories in the meantime.

This year also had the obvious low points.  Did I ever tell the story about Donny passing out cold when the doctor's office messed up his blood draw by not finding his vein and then spilling blood in front of him?  It was terrifying (for me) and was definitely a low point (that at least we can laugh at now).  Losing one of our precious embryos in the thaw was something we knew was very possible, but was still hard to hear. Waking up one morning during the two-week wait and finding out that I was bleeding was scary and sad. And of course, the hardest day of the year, April 22 - the phone call telling us we weren't pregnant.

Ultimately, although a lot of this year looked very different than I might have imagined or would have planned it (had I been in control) - it's exactly how God wanted our year to look, and for that reason, I wouldn't change anything.

We're prepping my body for another transfer and are praying that year two of this blog will be full of pregnancy updates! But if that's not the case, if we hit November 6, 2016 and we still don't have a child, I know I can still say that it had been a good year because our God is good and our God is in control and our God promises contentment when we find our peace in Him.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3 ESV)

It's a Match!

I know it's been awhile since we've updated, but we haven't had any news.... until now!

We are very excited (like very excited) to announce that we are officially adopting 8 embryos!

I'll back up a little bit to update you on our timeline...

On December 16 we received an email from Nightlight with the subject "Potential Match-Hoover". Earlier that week, they'd sent our profile to a family in Florida to consider us. The family had liked us and wanted to place their embryos for adoption with us! I was at my desk at work and literally RAN downstairs to Donny's office. We opened and read the email together and downloaded the PDF file of the family's profile.

We learned that in 2001, the genetic parents were struggling to conceive and started IVF.  They ended up with 15 viable embryos, used 7 of them and had twins in 2002. They knew they were done building their family, but kept the 8 remaining embryos frozen.

It was a very emotional and surreal experience to read about this family and look at pictures of the parents and their children.  As I've mentioned before, I've never had any idea what my children might look like, so seeing these people was incredibly emotional.  I was standing at Donny's desk just sobbing as we pored through the photos.

The parents are both a combination of Italian and Irish and have olive skin and dark hair. Interestingly enough though, their twins are fair skinned, blue eyed, red heads! I think it would be so fun to have a red head! But we're just excited regardless!

[Source: Everything Ginger Tumblr (haha yes, this actually exists!)]

It was really important to us that our doctor approve of the quality of any embryos we were considering, so we sent them the information that day. We continued to re-read, and re-read and re-read the family's profile and health history.  We both had a really good feeling about them right away and we spent those next few days praying hard that we would have wisdom in this decision. We wanted to be excited, but we were still trying to guard our hearts in case our doctor wasn't comfortable with the embryos.

Meanwhile we waited, and waited to hear back from our doctor. As the days passed we felt more and more comfortable with the family and decided that if the doctor said yes, we were in.

Christmas came and went, with still no word from our doctor.  That was a little hard for me.  I had this grand ideal that having a match by Christmas would be so magical.  But God was (and still is) teaching me patience and to wait on His perfect timing.

Then New Year's came and went, and it was now 2015 and we still didn't have confirmed word from our doctor...

But finally, on January 7 we received the much anticipated email that my doctor and their embryologist approved the embryos and cleared us to move forward!

*cue many more tears*

Then things sped up considerably...

On Monday, January 12 we officially accepted the match with Nightlight. They drew up the contract and we signed and notarized our portion and mailed everything last Friday the 16th.

Nightlight is now getting all the paperwork and documents finalized to have the embryos shipped from Florida to Pasadena.

Everything would probably be ready to go for an end of February transfer - but that would put me in the "two week wait" while we're in Seattle for my brother's wedding the first weekend in March.  I asked our nurse what she thought about that and she basically said, "there's no evidence that flying causes miscarriages or lowers the rate of pregnancy, however, how will you feel if you flew and then didn't get pregnant?"

Donny and I are totally on the same page that gaining a couple weeks is not worth the potential risk, so we're planning on a mid-March transfer date, assuming my body responds to the meds and does what they expect it to.

We've seen God's guiding hand through every step of this process and we're so excited to see God's plan as we continue to move forward.  Even though I sometimes get impatient, it's pretty incredible that Donny and I only started this whole process in September - a mere 4 1/2 months ago! God has provided the finances, the support, the awesome staff at Nightlight, an awesome social worker, a great doctor's office and so many other little blessings that we so at peace with our whole situation.

We still have a ton of uncertainty about the future, but knowing that the perfect God of the universe has a good plan for it all is just so incredibly overwhelming (in the best way possible!)

We covet your continued prayers!

Pray with us...
1. That the embryos would ship safely to California

2. That my body would respond well to the meds (starting at the end of February)

3. That the embryos we thaw would survive the thawing

4. That however many (1, 2 or 3) embryos we transfer will implant and become healthy pregnancies!

5. Pretty much all the money is now due for the adoption and the transfer and although we've saved and planned...it's still pretty scary writing such big checks! Pray we'd be wise with our finances, smart about spending while things are extra tight and that no unexpected additional expenses would come up.

More updates as they come!

Home Visit Complete!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words! Our home visit yesterday went really well! Of course she looked at the house for all of 2 minutes - but I'm still glad we worked so hard to do a "deep" cleaning.

We actually had both our individual interviews and our home visit this weekend.  It was a big weekend!

On Saturday we drove out to Anaheim Hills and met our social worker at the Nightlight Office.  She had us fill out some quiz type of things about discipline and expectations of children. We weren't allowed to talk to each other or share our answers. She then met with us separately and went over our answers. Some of the questions were worded intentionally confusing so it made it a little hard to answer some of them.  I was a little worried about my answers regarding spanking and discipline, but I think that when I was given the opportunity to explain myself, it went well. Apparently, in the state of California, parents are allowed to spank with an open hand over clothing, no objects. But overall, I think we both were able to articulate clearly enough and the interviews went well.

Then on Sunday, she came over to our house for the much anticipated Home Visit. We gave her a quick tour and then we spent the rest of the time answering questions about our upbringing, marriage, what we expect of our children and things along those lines.  The time flew by and before I knew it she was wrapping things up and giving us our timeline for the next steps!

She'll have our home study report completed by December 10! We'll immediately enter the matching process at that time and a potential genetic family will get our profile shortly after that! We're basically just in a waiting game at this point. But with the last two months full of paperwork and lists, it's actually a little nice that things are now out of our hands.

I've been so focused on everything adoption related, I've neglected other things that now need attention.  One of which is my craft booth for a Christmas Boutique on December 5! All the proceeds from my sales will go to funding our adoption.  The main item I'm selling are mason jar snow globes that I've affectionately nicknamed, "Snow Globes for Snowflakes!"

But I'm also making paper garlands, chalk board bible verse signs and wooden candle holders.  I'll include little snowflake tags on everything with a link the blog to encourage people to follow along our journey. (Let me know if you'd like more information about the Boutique or if you're interested in purchasing any of the items!)

Our Infertility Story

Below is one of the pieces we had to write for our preliminary application. (Warning - some talk about "menstration")

Our infertility story may be a little different than most. When I (Gabby) was younger, I had a very irregular cycle and in 6^th grade I menstruated for 5 weeks straight.  I was put on birth control to regulate my cycle and didn’t have any issues for several years.  In 2006, when I was a junior in High School, I decided to stop taking birth control since I was now regulated and was tired of taking the medication.  From that point on, I didn't get another period.  I went to an OBGYN after a year without a period and was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure.  Because I had been on birth control for almost 5 years they had no way of even knowing when it would have happened.

As a senior in high school – that news was hard to fully grasp.  I remember being sad that I wouldn’t be able to have children, but my family was so loving and supportive, that adoption just automatically became a part of my future.

I actually feel very blessed to have learned so early on.  It has given me a lot of time to process and come to terms with my situation. We didn’t have to go through the disappointment of trying to get pregnant without results.  Early on in our relationship, I told Donny about my condition, so he too, has known for a long time.  I think he struggled with the news more than I did since he was much older when he learned, but has always made it clear that he would rather be with me and not have any children than be with someone else.

We were married in 2010 and by 2013 were starting to think about growing our family.  We went back to my OB who re-did blood work to make sure nothing had changed with my condition.  He confirmed that there was “absolutely no way I’d get pregnant” (his words, not mine) and in some ways, it was reassuring to know that God was closing that door very clearly. We were content with the situation, and knew that it was time to pursue adoption.  We were researching infant domestic adoption when my sister-in-law told me about a friend who was able to successfully have a baby through the Snowflake program.  I looked into it, and watched a video about a Snowflake family where the woman also had Premature Ovarian Failure.  It was amazing to find out that there was a possibility adoption and pregnancy could be part of my story.

In some ways, it’s almost been weirder for me to grasp the concept of me being pregnant than it is it grasp the concept of adoption. I’ve had to readjust a lot of thinking from the past 7 years – but in a very good way! We’re very excited about pursuing  Embryo Adoption and finding out if this is God’s plan for growing our family!

Snowflakes Embryo Adoptions

One afternoon, I (Gabby) was chatting my with sister-in-law Jessica about our adoption plans and she mentioned the Snowflake Embryo Adoption Program.  A friend of hers had been successful and said it wasn’t as expensive as you might think.  At that point, I’d heard a little bit about embryo adoption, but it felt pretty “sci-fi” to me, so I hadn’t given it much thought.  I actually can’t remember now how long it ruminated in my mind before I started doing serious research, but I think it was around maybe the Fall/Spring of 2014…

Just a side note here – I LOVE doing research.  I’m one of those people who sees a cute dog on the street, finds out what breed it is, and then spend hours reading about it’s history, genetics, pre-dispositions to diseases, whether or not it sheds annually or bi-annually and whether it’s a good family dog or not. (Don’t believe me? When you have time, ask me about Australian Shepherds some day – but make sure you have time, because I’ll have a lot to tell you).

So I started researching Embryo Adoption and everything just started to click.  It’s almost half the price of domestic adoption, is a faster process, and me, as the adoptive mother gets to be pregnant and start bonding with my child 9 months earlier!

Please visit both of these websites for more accurate explanations of everything I’m about to say.  I’m in no way an expert – I just do a lot of reading.

Snowflake Embryo Adoptions (our adoption agency which is under the greater umbrella of Nightlight Christian Adoptions)

Embryo Adoption Awareness Center

So here’s the basics… because of a somewhat growing infertility epidemic, in vitro fertilization is on the rise.  When a family is struggling to get pregnant, they often turn to in vitro fertilization and end up creating anywhere between 3 and 15 embryos.  Hopefully, a family will be able to get pregnant using these embryos – but when they are done building their families – there are often embryos left over.

Families have a few different options for these remaining, unused embryos (which are not recognized as human lives by the government - rather “property”). These families can freeze them indefinitely (upwards of $600 a year), donate them to science (for stem cell research), destroy them, or, place them for adoption. Currently, it is estimated that there are around 600,000 frozen embryos in the United States today. Snowflakes Embryo Adoptions does not advocate for the creation of more embryos and they actually say that they would love to put themselves out of business by getting all of those embryos adopted!

Because our infertility stems from a problem with my ovaries, not my uterus, we’re good candidates for embryo adoption.  When we are matched with a set of embryos, they will be shipped (FedEx actually…yeah, totally crazy) to my fertility clinic, thawed and transferred into me.  The transfer is a simple, out-patient procedure, and I can take a pregnancy test two weeks after the transfer to see if the embryo(s) implanted into my uterus!

Because embryo adoption isn’t currently recognized by the government as an actual “adoption” rather a “transfer of property,” the adoption does not need to be finalized, we’re considered the birth parents, and our names will be listed on the birth certificate. In fact, unless we choose to tell the hospital staff, no one would even know that the child(ren) I’m delivering are my adopted child(ren) not my genetic children!

Like I said… pretty sci-fi.

This 3 minute news clip sums it up well since I probably rambled quite a bit...

http://www.embryoadoption.org/videos/vp_Miracle_Baby.cfm