Dear Deacon's Placing Family

(I wrote this letter to Deacon's placing family when he was about 6 weeks old. We haven't posted here since before he was born, so I thought it might be a nice update)

February 1, 2018

Dear Deacon’s Placing Family,
As I write you this note, Deacon is finally asleep against my chest in the Ergo carrier. Lately, he’ll only nap if he is being held and cries (hard) if we try to set him down. And while there are definitely some tiring moments along the way in raising a newborn, it’s so easy to remind ourselves of the tremendous gift that he is! There were moments, hard moments during those uncertain years, when it felt like we’d never have the joy of loving and raising a child of our own. Saying “thank you” for choosing us feels insufficient compared to the enormous gift that it is. But words are all we have, so please know that we are forever grateful that you entrusted us with raising and parenting this little soul. THANK YOU.

Deacon was born on December 22 at 38.5 weeks via a scheduled c-section. I was showing the signs of preeclampsia and Deacon was measuring at over 9 pounds so my doctor felt that was the safest route for both of us. The procedure went very smoothly and he ended up being 9 pounds, 12 ounces and was 21 ¼ inches long! (I can’t imagine how big he’d have been if we went to full term!) He did great on all of the initial tests, and measured perfectly on all subsequent tests (hearing, vision, jaundice, etc...the nurses and his pediatrician said they had never seen such a good score on the jaundice test haha).  At both his 2 week, and 1 month doctor visit his pediatrician just kept commenting on how healthy and strong he is, and said that he’s doing perfectly!

 He’s a GREAT eater and is steadily gaining weight. He’s already grown over an inch in his first 5 weeks! As I mentioned at the beginning...we’re still working on getting him to be a more “independent” sleeper...but he just loves being held, and his doctor said that he can’t be spoiled or held “too much” so we’re listening to her and are just enjoying all of the snuggles. Since day one he’s been really good at holding his head up and is very alert...already following a rattle with his eyes and definitely responding to mommy and daddy’s voices.

 I’ve included a few photos...he has a little bit of light brown hair that looks blonde-ish in some lights, and even reddish occasionally. His eyes are still that newborn gray/blue, so we still can’t tell what his eye color will officially be. He was born with tons of rolls, but he’s stretching out a bit now and doesn’t look quite as chubby. I’m probably biased, but I’m pretty sure he’s the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen. :)  He’ll be 6-weeks tomorrow and we’re anxiously anticipating his first real smile!

Deacon has brought a joy and light to our family that we didn’t even know was possible. We love him with all of our hearts and are so thankful to you for allowing us to experience the joy of this little boy.  Over the years we adopted a total of 10 embryos and went through 3 transfers. Each time we found out that an embryo hadn’t survived, our hearts broke. But we rested in knowing that God was preparing a child for us, somehow, some way. We couldn’t know then, but each time we grieved and wondered why things weren’t working out the way we wanted, God knew that our little boy was waiting for us. Even though we are still sad over those losses, we wouldn’t have Deacon here today without them. We thank God for His perfect plan and perfect timing in bringing Deacon to our family, and we thank you for making the hard and important decision to allow us this gift.

Thank you! We are forever grateful!

-Donny and Gabby

All Glory be to Christ Our King: Part 2

God is good!  We ARE pregnant!

God has a perfect plan for us.  This is not the time-frame that we had planned for us.

Two years ago to the day was the last time we posted on this blog.  It was our attempt to remind ourselves of truth in the midst of a very tough time in our lives.  It was all part of God’s perfect, albeit painful, plan.

After we had let the dust settle from losing those last adopted embryos, we tried to figure out what to do next.  We looked into the cost of domestic or even international adoption, and we weren’t sure.  We looked at the foster-to-adopt system, but we still weren’t sure.  We knew we felt called to parent, and we had all-but-decided that we would not adopt more embryos.  And yet, as we considered all the different factors that play into a major decision like this, we kept thinking, “what if we tried one more transfer?”  We hated to make a call based on numbers & statistics, but that’s what the Lord used to push us to try one more time.  Through the whole process, we had heard on numerous occasions that “1 in 3” embryo transfers are successful.  If we really did call it quits after the 2 tries, we didn’t want to have the feeling of, “what if we had tried just one more time,” in the back of our minds.

One of the reasons we didn’t want to do another transfer is the physical & emotional toll it took on Gabby’s body.  To prep with daily shots, medications, vitamins, & tough doctor visits for months to prep her body for the transfer was exhausting for her.  She had already gone through it twice, and was so tired of it all, with nothing to show for it.  I feared having her go through all of that again just to get another call at the end saying, “sorry, you’re not pregnant,” one more time.

But, after praying and deciding we could handle one more time, we got back into the process.  We contacted our adoption agency, Nightlight Christian Adoptions (whom we’ve loved working with), and asked to be put back into the matching process.

We didn’t have to wait too long this time, and when we heard back from them, we were presented with a unique situation.  They said they had two embryos for us (which is a little nerve-wracking, considering we had zero successful pregnancies from the 8 embryos we adopted from our prior match).  Again, thinking of statistics, you’re not guaranteed that embryos will even survive when they are thawed out before a transfer.  We lost 3 out of the 8 during the thaw, so I was nervous about adopting just these two.  The especially unique part was that they were coming from two different families.  Two different families from two different parts of the country each had one embryo they were placing for adoption, hoping to give them a chance at life on this earth.  Once we sorted through everything, I actually got very excited, “WE COULD HAVE TWINS THAT HAVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT DNA FROM US AND EACH OTHER!”

So we agreed and got all the proper paperwork in place (say that 10x fast) and began the process to get Gabby ready AGAIN.  We ordered all her medications AGAIN, gave her shots AGAIN (I was a pro by the end), and went through all the Doctor visits AGAIN.  Then on April 19^th, 2017, we went in for what we knew this time would be our last attempt at a F(A)ET (Frozen ‘Adopted’ Embryo Transfer).

It’s hard to describe how we felt going into this transfer.  We were both confident as far as knowing this was what we needed to do.  At the very least, we thought, these little embies will be ushered into heaven now rather than waiting indefinitely to get a chance at life, if at all.  (Neither family that we adopted from were planning on discarding the embryos, but sometimes embryos can just sit in freezers for years and years without ever even getting a chance at a real life.)  At the same time, we also couldn’t help but think of the results of our last two transfers.  It kind of felt like, “we are resolved to do this…but it probably won’t work.”  Lord knows.

The first piece that got my hopes up a little bit was when they informed us that both embryos had survived the thaw.  If we’re talking about my begrudged statistics, 100% (2 out of 2) of our embryos had survived the thaw this time, as opposed to only 63% surviving in the last batch (5 out of 8).  I kept thinking internally, “Lord, why would you get them both to this point if you weren’t going to do something big here?” 

The next piece that got my hopes up was the peace we had in our hearts anticipating any scenario.  If both of them hold on and result in being pregnant with twins, then glory to God!  If one of them holds on and we’re pregnant with one, then glory to God!  If neither of them are able to hold on, and both go to heaven, then glory to God!  We had no idea how to be except just to rest in our Father’s care.

Following the transfer, we played the waiting game, which had become somewhat familiar to us.  Generally, the instructions following a transfer are: go home, take it easy, and wait to come back in two weeks to get a blood test to see if it was successful or not.  Well, “taking it easy” is easier said than done.  Oh, and did I mention my eager beaver wife had bought a value pack of pregnancy tests to take starting on day 6 after the transfer? She had decided after our past transfers that it’s easier to have an ‘idea’ one way or another of what the result will be heading into the blood test, so that a ‘negative’ doesn’t hit you like a ton of bricks (only a ½ ton).

A few things I did not know about embryo transfers and pregnancy tests: it’s recommended to wait about 12 days to take the blood test, because the embryos are sooooo teeny tiny that it’s rare that you’d pick up anything earlier.  And especially with home pregnancy tests, you might see ‘negatives’ because it can’t read things early on.  Gabby repeatedly mentioned, “You can only get false negatives, you can’t get false positives,” which means if it reads negative early on, there’s still plenty of hope.  If it reads ‘positive’ early on, you are straight up pregnant.

I think the first home test she took (something like day 4) was negative, as we expected.  She admitted that was pretty early, and decided to wait ‘til day 6 to check again.  So she set the stick in the cup o’ urine, and then you’re supposed to wait two minutes or so.  If a second line appears you’re pregnant.  She left the bathroom and went into our bedroom to pray and ask God that she wouldn’t be anxious about the whole situation.  Before the two minutes were up, I went into the bathroom just to see if I could see anything.  I SAW A SECOND LINE.  I let out some type of loud, audible noise.  “What is it?!” Gabby asked.  She rushed back in and I showed her that faint, thin, glorious, pee-influenced line.  We couldn’t believe it!  Gabby was pregnant.

After nearly two and a half years from when we first decided to go the route of embryo adoption, God saw fit to have Gabby get pregnant.  Do you ever have trouble understanding if God is answering your prayers by saying “no” or “wait”?  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out which one it is.  Up until that point, I thought God was saying “no” to the prayer for Gabby to get pregnant.  Turns out he was saying “wait” for those 2+ years.  I suppose that’s why I was so surprised that it was finally happening.  I think I had somewhat come to grips with Gabby not getting pregnant, and had tried to focus my contentment, reliance, and joy on Christ as opposed to her pregnancy.  Whatever God was doing, he sure pulled us especially and uniquely close to Him and each other in this journey, and we pray it stays that way!

The next question was this: are there two babies in there or just one?  We’d need to wait a little longer to get the answer to this question, and when we finally did find out that there was just one little one in there, it was bittersweet.  Obviously we were ecstatic that we were pregnant at all, and at the same time, we mourned the life of one of our embryos.  That little one joined her 8 adopted brothers and sisters in heaven and we wanted to grieve, but also be thankful.  My own imagination created the scenario from that scene in Inside Out [spoiler] when Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon rocket so that Joy can get back to Riley.  One of our little embryos knew that only one of them would make it, so they sacrificed themselves to give the other one a fighting chance.  A stretch, I know.  I can’t help but think in Pixar sometime.

Through God’s gracious provision, Gabby’s pregnancy has progressed very nicely.  In July we found out we were having a baby boy, which we revealed by kicking open a plastic football (much to my nephew’s dismay) filled with blue chalk/smoke.  (I had read the results of the gender test prior, but Gabby was surprised!)

Shortly after that, we settled on a name: Deacon Arrow Hoover.  The name Deacon, besides some obvious church connotations (we’re both heavily involved in our church community), can also mean ‘dusty one’ or ‘servant,’ which we hope to train him up to be.  Arrow comes from Psalm 127:4 which says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.” As a little bonus, he will have the same initials as me! (Donald Allen Hoover, Deacon Arrow Hoover)

So here we are, about a month out from Deacon’s due date (Jan. 3^rd, 2018), and on my Facebook “On This Day” memories feature, a memory from Dec. 1^st, 2015 popped up.  This was the day we had shared that we weren’t pregnant two years ago, and so I felt compelled to give a write up and much-needed update about where we are.  We still want your prayers!  This time for a continued healthy pregnancy and that there would be no complications when Deacon is born soon!  To God all praise and glory!

All Glory be to Christ Our King

God is good. We’re not pregnant. 

God has a perfect plan for us. This is not the plan we had for us.

Just under two weeks ago, we transferred our last three embies into Gabby.  We prayed, hoped, and thought this time might be different.  Yet, in God’s perfect, albeit painful, plan, we’ve now seen all eight of the embryos we started with go to heaven.

There are many unanswered questions in all of this, but we are confident, while heavy-hearted, that God has something better for us.

As we cried together, we talked about some of the many, many blessings God has lavished on us.  Through Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection (and ONLY through this), not only can we avoid the eternal punishment in hell we deserve, but we can also have the hope of eternity in heaven.  Not only that, but God has called us His children and loves us!  We have so many other reasons to bless the Lord. Thank you so much for the many prayers you’ve prayed for us along the way. It's only through God's grace that we're able to have any type of comfort or composure in these situations.

And so we ask for your prayers again.  Please pray that God’s grace would cover us with comfort and peace.  Please mourn with us as we acknowledge the lives of these embryos, brief as they were (Let's acknowledge life!).  Please celebrate with us as we rest in the fact that God is good.

We’re not sure what we’re going to do next at this time (so no need to ask).  We still feel called to parent in some way, but we’re just not sure if that means adopting more embryos, seeking domestic adoption, foster to adopt, etc.  But for now, we’ll take some time to process everything together.  That’d be another prayer request, for God’s wisdom when we’re ready to move forward.

All Glory be to Christ our King.  God is our shepherd, we shall not want.

- Donny & Gabby

This time tomorrow...

By this time tomorrow I will officially be PUPO! (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise).

Our embryo transfer is scheduled for 8:30 AM on Thursday, November 19.

People keep asking how I feel and it's a hard question to answer. At any given moment, I'm feeling a variety of "feels." And depending on the moment some are stronger than others... I'm mostly excited, and definitely nervous. (Mostly nervous about peeing on Dr. Nelson during the procedure! They want my bladder super full and then the nurse presses down on my stomach to "open things up" or something... it's definitely a precarious situation for him to be in...)

But there's also moments of despair, "I just know this isn't going to work"; and sometimes even indifference, "whatever, who even cares if we have kids or not?"; and sometimes even panic, "I'm not ready to be a parent, I'm still just a kid myself!" But I think those moments tend to come more when I'm failing to trust in God and am relying on my own self-preservation methods instead.

Approaching this second transfer, we've been more purposeful about guarding our hearts. I was SO optimistic last time and it just made so much sense to us that God would allow us to get pregnant on our first try.  And I still think it's good to be excited and to ask God for very specific things, and we firmly believe that God is 100% capable of giving us a successful pregnancy.  But more specifically, we're praying for contentment whatever our circumstances.

Having walked through all this once before has prepared us to enter this second transfer with a little more caution and perspective.  Last time I was so wrapped up in EVERYTHING, it kind of took over my life. I was nervous about what I was eating, how much sleep I was getting, if I should be doing acupuncture, and if I was better off with the raspberry leaf pills or the tea... plus a myriad of other worries. And guess what - it didn't work! And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? (Matt 6:27) If I can't add a single hour to my life by worrying, I'm surely not going to be able to add a living human to my life!  But God has been SO gracious in the midst of my shortcomings.  Instead of just giving up on me and saying, "well, Gabby's a lost cause," He's continued to gently reveal to me the areas in my heart where I'm failing to fully trust Him, and has given me a second chance to do things better.

So yes, I am excited! I really want it to work! But this time around, instead of thinking about pregnancy symptoms, nursery decor and parenting methods, we're mostly focusing on just being still and knowing that God is our refuge and our fortress, and that He will be exalted regardless of what that pregnancy test says.

I can't thank everyone enough for their prayers and encouraging words.  Every time someone tells us that they've been praying, my heart just feels so full.  We are so grateful for God's church and the love we've felt. Thank you!

1 year blog-iversary

It's hard to believe that it's already been a full year since starting this blog and embarking on our journey through embryo adoption!

In many ways this year has gone really quickly, but then when I think about all of the things we've experienced (applications, background checks, interviews, matching process, hormone treatments, embryo transfer, 2-week wait, sad news, more waiting, more hormone treatments) it's kind of crazy that it's only been a year.

I would characterize this year, overall, as really good.  Donny and I have both grown closer together and closer to the Lord through this process.  We've had to make a lot of tough decisions, we've had to write some really big checks, and we've been forced to really think hard about our future - all of which has really helped us mature and just grow as people.

We've had a lot of fun this year too! Of course we would have loved to have a baby a long time ago - but this extended time of just Donny and Gabby has been just downright fun!  Since last November I've lost track of the times we've been to Disneyland, we've been to Ducks games, concerts, stayed out late, slept in and we even went to Disney World! We're definitely happy to lose that flexibility and freedom when it means we've added another little human...but I'm so glad God gave those memories in the meantime.

This year also had the obvious low points.  Did I ever tell the story about Donny passing out cold when the doctor's office messed up his blood draw by not finding his vein and then spilling blood in front of him?  It was terrifying (for me) and was definitely a low point (that at least we can laugh at now).  Losing one of our precious embryos in the thaw was something we knew was very possible, but was still hard to hear. Waking up one morning during the two-week wait and finding out that I was bleeding was scary and sad. And of course, the hardest day of the year, April 22 - the phone call telling us we weren't pregnant.

Ultimately, although a lot of this year looked very different than I might have imagined or would have planned it (had I been in control) - it's exactly how God wanted our year to look, and for that reason, I wouldn't change anything.

We're prepping my body for another transfer and are praying that year two of this blog will be full of pregnancy updates! But if that's not the case, if we hit November 6, 2016 and we still don't have a child, I know I can still say that it had been a good year because our God is good and our God is in control and our God promises contentment when we find our peace in Him.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3 ESV)

Insanity, Jonah, and the Will of God (Waiting for My Time to Come)

Hi Everyone,

Well, we haven’t updated the blog in quite awhile because…well…there haven’t been any updates for the blog.  After our first Frozen (Adopted) Embryo Transfer didn’t work, and our three little ‘embies’ went to heaven, the Lord made it clear that we were to take some time off and re-group.  Our Doctor had a successful heart surgery, we were able to visit Walt Disney World (by the Lord’s provision!), and another super busy summer came and went.  So now, here we are, just beginning to prepare for our second attempt at an F(A)ET.  Here are a few things on our hearts:

Have you ever heard that definition of Insanity that goes something like: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”? 

(Sometimes attributed to Albert Einstein.  But then again, “The problem with internet quotes is that you can’t always depend on their accuracy.” – Abraham Lincoln) 

Anyways, Gabby and I are feeling a little like that.  Not like Abraham Lincoln, mind you, but that we’re about to do the same long, tiresome, expensive, emotionally draining process in hopes of different results.  Now, I use the word ‘hope’ a little differently this time around.  For our first transfer, we had lots of good innocent hope.  I mean, we had never had a failed F(A)ET in our lives, so why shouldn’t we be hopeful that it would work?  We had so many people praying for us from all over!  God answers prayer, right?  Well, our transfer did not result in a viable pregnancy (although at least for some period of time, there were 2 living embryos in Gabby's womb).  Therefore, this time around, frankly it's harder to be hopeful that we’re going to get pregnant.  I mean, we’re pretty much doing the same exact thing (although we’re adding one additional hormone called Lupron. It's a shot that Gabby gives herself in the stomach every night for a couple weeks), so it’s hard to think we’ll get a different result.  But here’s the thing, friends.  More and more, God is focusing us on the point of this whole endeavor:

...and the point isn't necessarily to get pregnant.   

What?!  I know, I know.  Track with me.  The point of this whole endeavor is this: to glorify God.  All things are from Him, through Him, and to Him (Rom 11:36), so EVERYTHING should be about His glory.  So while it’s a little harder to be hopeful about actually getting pregnant this time around, (which is still something we’re praying for and asking you to pray for) we’re 100% hopeful (sure) that this is all for God’s glory.  No matter what happens.  He’s already been glorified so much in everything that we've experienced. We've even entertained the thought that us not getting pregnant might end up bringing Him the most glory, and we're preparing our hearts to be content with that. At the very least, we know that was the case for the first attempt!

With that being said, we are still trying to be hopeful this time around.  I mean, we don’t want to approach this next attempt as if Eeyore got married to a nice girl donkey, we’ll call her MarEeyore, and then they experienced infertility, only to learn about Embryo Adoption and get matched with a nice set of donkey embryos, and had an attempt that did not result in pregnancy, only to try again, but Eeyore had the mindset, “Well, it’s probably not going to work anyway.”  By no means!  We do want to approach this 2^nd try with hope! (Gabby wanted to include this picture of her and Eeyore from Walt Disney World at this part in the story)

Ok, I promise this next thing relates: a few days ago, I learned it was the 10^th anniversary of one of my favorite records, “Vhiessu,” by one of my favorite bands, Thrice.  One of the songs on that record is called “Hold Fast Hope,” and it’s about Jonah.  This record and song came back to my mind right around the time we were starting everything for this 2^nd attempt.  And I got to thinking, you know who literally was in the ‘depths’ of despair?  Jonah!  After his disobedience to God, he found himself in a “great storm on the sea so that the ship was about to break up.”   Then, when God ordains that the lot was cast to Jonah (he still hadn't confessed at this point), He finally “mans ups" a bit and tells them to cast him into the sea.  Instead of dying, as you'd expect during a “great storm,” God appoints a “great fish” to swallow Jonah, and Jonah is stuck in the stomach of this fish three days and three nights.  Ok, I don’t know about you, but if all of this were happening to me, I would expect to die.  Think about it: huge storm, ship about to go down: I’m going to drown.  They’re throwing me overboard into the sea and I JUST GOT SWALLOWED BY A SEA CREATURE.. YEAH, I’M GOING TO BE EATEN.  And yet, at some point in all of this, Jonah truly “mans up” and prays these words:

 I called out of my distress to the LORD, And He answered me.  I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice.  For You had cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas, and the current engulfed me.  All Your breakers and billows passed over me.  So I said, ‘I have been expelled from Your sight.  Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.’  Water encompassed me to the point of death.  The great deep engulfed me, weeds were wrapped around my head.  I descended to the roots of the mountains.  The earth with its bars was around me forever, but You have brought up my life from the pit, O LORD my God.  While I was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, and my prayer came to You, into Your holy temple.  Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness, but I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving.  That which I have vowed I will pay.  Salvation is from the LORD.

Wow.  Now, if you’ve read your Bibles, you know that Jonah would continue to have to learn tough lessons.  But at this point, Jonah recognized.  Jonah held fast to hope.  Maybe he didn’t necessarily hold fast to the hope of living through all of this, but he held fast to the hope of God’s sovereignty and glory.  And that’s what we want to do. 

Finally, here’s another reminder.  Gabby and I don’t know the will of God in all of this, and neither do you, our friends and family.  So we invite you to pray and to hope with us that we’d get pregnant!  AND, even though some people are trying to ‘think positive’ and ‘trust’ and ‘be kind’, sometimes it feels a little weird when we hear people say, “Oh, I just KNOW you’re going to get pregnant.”  Cause really, unless you’ve had some divine revelation from the Lord, you don’t know.  We don’t know, either.  That’s ok.  We DO know that God is glorified in all of this, so we invite you to start sending those prayers to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob! 

If you’ve read this far, or skipped down below, our current timeline has us doing the actual transfer on or around November 19 or 20.  We really do covet your prayers for this, both that we’d get pregnant, but more importantly that God would be glorified. 

I’ll wrap up this post with another song lyric from one of our most favorite bands as of late, Colony House.  (featuring the sons of the ever-popular Steven Curtis Chapman: Caleb and Will Franklin Chapman) 

“I’ve tried.  I’ve failed. I thought I gave my all, now it’s hard to tell.

Is this the end of this dream I lost, or just an introduction to how much it may cost?

Oh, it seems so complicated, It feels like hope has faded.

When I know it’s just a way that we grow, I cannot control.

I’m still waiting for my time to come.”         

 
 - “Waiting for My Time to Come” by Colony House

Our Plans for Attempting FET #2

Just wanted to share a quick update about our future plans for growing our family...

We talked to our doctor last week to recap our transfer and talk about what went well, what didn't, and his recommendations for moving forward. He said that there are three things he looks at when a transfer doesn't work.

#1 How did the procedure go? Was it painful? Complicated? Hard to get the embryos where they needed to be?
#2 How were my hormone levels? Was my uterus "cooperating"?
#3 How did the embryos look? Did they thaw well?

He said that based on his notes and all the info we have #1 and #2 couldn't have been better. Everything went smoothly, my hormone levels and uterus were right where they needed to be - basically, there's nothing he or we could have done to make that better.

Regarding #3 though - he said the embryos were good, but they weren't great. It's hard to know how they'll look when they're still frozen, so it's really mostly a guessing game as to how they will thaw prior to the transfer.

He's optimistic that with our 5 remaining embryos we have a good shot - but of course, nothing is guaranteed.

He said that since my body responded well to the protocol, we probably won't change anything as far as dosage and types of meds when we try again. As far as when we'll attempt another transfer, he said that he usually recommends waiting about a month in order to let my body get back to "normal."

However, and this is quite interesting timing... our doctor just found out last week that he's going to have heart surgery this coming Tuesday! Apparently he went to the doctor for an unrelated issue, and found out he's got blockage and his doctor wanted to schedule surgery ASAP. Selfishly, this impacts our personal timeline.

My heart (ooh bad pun, not intended) dropped when he told us the news.  He said that his doctor said to plan on being out of work for a couple months because surgery and recovery are rather intensive. Our doctor did say that the other two Reproductive Endocrinologists in his office are happy to cover him and take care of his patients while he's out... but of course, he'd rather that we wait for him.

Donny and I talked and we agree that we really don't want to switch to anyone else at this point.  We love our doctor, he knows our story, he knows us, and we just feel more comfortable waiting for him.

So that's where we are, more waiting. He's expecting to be back in the office around July - but our summers get so busy, we'll probably have to wait until September before we start the whole process again.

Of course, I'm a little disappointed. I want to be pregnant like, NOW. But at the same time, it felt pretty obvious that God wanted us to wait.

I've had about a week now to process the plan, and I'm feeling good about it.  Since we started applying to adopt embryos last September, we've been kind of stuck in this unknown world of waiting...not sure how far in advance to make plans because we didn't know when things would start, how long they would take, how I would feel, etc. So being able to at least generally plan the next three months-ish has been kind of refreshing. I think I'll sign up to run a half marathon in July or August (my last race was 10 months ago!) and we'll keep saving money, having fun together, serving at church and just living out life as the DINKS (dual income no kids) couple that we've been for almost 5 years now.

I doubt I'll have much to post for the next few months - but thank you so much for reading and praying! We plan on picking up again when we have news to report :)